Part of a leader’s job is to keep secrets: a big upcoming reorg, a project that’s still under wraps, the health situation of a member of your team. The more influence you have in an organization, the more of these kinds of secrets come up and the more complex they are to manage. As a leader, keeping secrets is often an important act of service to your organization and team. The right secrets help maintain stability, compartmentalize responsibility, and protect people from unnecessary stress.

Secret-keeping can be very uncomfortable. This is not a bad thing! Keeping secrets is hard. It is ethically complex. And it is fundamentally still part of your job. If you find that combination emotionally challenging, think of it as a sign that you are a considerate person who cares about integrity—and probably a much better leader because of those qualities.

How to Keep a Secret

While leaders are expected to keep secrets, there is no training course on how. I prefer to avoid lying, if possible, both because it is difficult to do correctly and because it erodes trust quickly. Instead, here are a few strategies to try:

• Avoid the topic. Think ahead about conversations that might veer into dangerous territory. If you can’t defer or avoid those conversations entirely, be prepared to ask questions or bring up thoughts that deflect attention elsewhere.
• Be boring. Most people don’t think too hard about the information they receive—unless something sparks their curiosity. The more emotionally even-keel you are, the fewer “look here” signals you’ll send out about a topic you need to avoid.
• Live in the alternate reality. Imagine—or even let yourself believe—you don’t know the secret. What would be true? If you don’t know about the upcoming roadmap overhaul, for example, you might be more invested in discussing details of current plans.

The Art of Sharing Information Early

There are good reasons you may want to share information unofficially. Trusted peers and senior members of your team will be most engaged when they feel “in the know.” You also may need their input to shape key decisions before rolling those decisions out to the rest of the team. But every time you tell a secret, you risk the dreaded grapevine: everyone telling one or two others until the whole company seems to know. Below are a few things to keep in mind when sharing information early.

• People are much better at keeping secrets for a specific duration than indefinitely (or “until I say it’s okay”). For anyone who you bring in early, give them a date by which the information will be public.
• Know who must hear the information the “right way” and prioritize their experience. For example, if a manager is leaving, their direct reports will feel much more supported hearing the news from their departing manager.
• Pay attention to seniority when deciding whether to tell someone information early. Junior team members may not be ready for the behind-the-scenes chaos yet, whereas senior team members may expect to hear information a little early and may even be upset to hear news only when it officially goes public.

There are also times when all this nuance goes out the window and you must not share information unofficially. This includes any information that might be illegal to share (e.g., anything that would cause actual or perceived insider trading) and information that would be unethical to share (e.g., medical details shared with you in confidence). Spending some time now looking at your organization’s code of conduct will help you identify these kinds of situations if they do come up.

When Not to Keep Secrets

Just like there are some times when you absolutely cannot share information early, there are some secrets you cannot keep. The most obvious example is if someone tells you about illegal or unethical behavior at work; you have an obligation to report unlawful activity or breaches in the company’s code of conduct.

Sometimes, though, things are less clear-cut. If a direct report tells you that she plans to leave the company in a couple weeks but hasn’t yet put in notice, do you have an obligation to tell your boss? If a colleague tells you he’s noticed terrible code quality from a member of another team but wants you not to take action, do you have an obligation to tell that team’s manager? If a tech lead tells you that a project is way off-track but doesn’t want you to say anything yet, do you have an obligation to tell the rest of your leadership team? Depending on the specifics of your role, some of these are acceptable secrets to keep and some are not.

I have seen managers tell their reports that any information shared in a one-on-one meeting will be held in confidence, and I think this is a mistake. You cannot promise blanket secrecy to your direct reports if a large part of your job is managing the health of your team and communicating with others in leadership. Instead, I recommend explicitly informing members of your team that you may need to share information with others. Here is a sample script:

When possible, I will keep what we discuss in our one-on-ones private. However, part of my job is to keep my own manager informed and to look out for the health of the organization. If you tell me something in a one-on-one and ask me to keep it secret, I will inform you immediately if I cannot do so. I typically can keep any personal information you share secret and typically cannot keep secrets that may impact the success of the company.

I have noticed that using a script like this actually builds more trust than a promise of secrecy. It comes across as frank and realistic, and shows that you trust your team to make thoughtful decisions about what information to share.

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I wish I could write a post on exactly how to keep secrets professionally while maintaining your integrity and values, but that balance is far too subtle and personal for a clear-cut set of instructions. As a leader, you will need to make nuanced, difficult decisions of your own. I hope what I have shared in this post will help you do so more successfully.

Professional secret-keeping is a great topic to discuss with a mentor or career coach. You can discuss what kinds of secrets may come up in your role, how your values shape which secrets you are willing to keep, and strategies for maintaining trust relationships through the process. If you are interested in working with me individually, you can read more about my coaching and reach out here.